Look Me In The Eyes
by whoopsimreading
Summary: Punk! Phil meets Pastel! Dan and both immediately notice their eyes. Sorry I can't summary. This is my first fic so please tell me if this is alright *finger guns* PLEASE GIVE ME A REVIEW oh please oh please oh pleaseeeeee
1. Phil

_PHIL_

 _Chapter 1_

I noticed his eyes first. They were the color of warm chocolate. The color of leaves in autumn. They made you want to stare at them all day. And smile. Just stare at him and smile all day.

He was just a lovely person altogether. He had rosy cheeks and nice brown hair like his eyes. I usually didn't see his hair that often, as it was usually covered by a large flower crown.

I think that represents him emotionally, in a way. He's bright and innocent on the outside. He's flowers and compliments. He's puppies and kindness.

But inside.

He's dark storms and nighttime. He's negativity and depression.

Outside he's the sun, inside he's the moon. Outside he's flowers, inside he's a storm.

But soon

he'll blossom.

I wasn't sure how to react when I heard we were getting a new kid. Happy I guess. Usually new kids weren't the most cool people ever. I should know. I moved here from Manchester. I wouldn't say that I'm the most popular person here. But, new kids were always kinda interesting when they first get here because nobody knows anything about them. I'm usually the only person kind enough to befriend them. That is, if my tattoos and piercings didn't scare them away already.

But anyway.

Apparently he was getting here at third period. And he was in most of my classes. That's great. Five minutes of him walking into class and introducing himself is five minutes less of math class. Now all I needed is the other 40 minutes of the class gone.

Then it hit me.

What if I asked the teacher if I could fill him in on what he missed before he transferred here? That way I could have an excuse not to pay attention in class. Plus, the stuff we learned earlier in the year are easy.

First period science was a pain. I daydreamt of flowers the entire time. That's science, right?

Second period gym made me hate every aspect of my body. But hey, I'm usually picked last, so that's more waiting and less running for me.

Then third period maths came. I marched up to the teacher's desk and explained to her how I wished to help the new student. She said it was a good thing for me to do, plus a "good way to review and perhaps look into teaching as I grow up." I ignored that bit. It pains me enough to think about my future.

I was daydreaming about a new song I'd thought up of. We were five minutes into the lesson when the new kid came in. Or one minute. Time passes slowly in maths.

I noticed his eyes first.


	2. Dan

_DAN_

 _Chapter 2_

I noticed his eyes first. They were the color of the ocean. The color of the summer sky. They made you want to laugh 'till it hurts. And blush. They made you want to blush and giggle all day.

He was just an edgy person altogether. He had sharp cheekbones and jet black hair like his tattoos.

I think that represents him emotionally, in a way. He's rebellious and dark on the outside. He's piercings and beer. He's blackness and punk.

But inside.

He's happiness and music. He's flowers and smiles.

Outside he's the moon, inside he's the sun. Outside he's a storm, inside he's flowers.

But soon

he'll break.

Oh boy. A new school. Just many new opportunities to get bullied and pressured.

What fun. Now all I need is a bratty girl with a bad temper to come up to me and say how she'll "turn me straight."

I was already late for school. Today was going great so far. I wasn't even in school yet and I'm already late.

I walked into the school. It smelled of pencil shavings and sadness. I walked to first class. Or was it my third? I was late after all.

I walked into the classroom. An woman of average height stood at the chalkboard. I was already intimidated. There had to be one nice person in this room, right?I scanned the room looking at the people I would eventually come to like or dislike. Then I saw him.

I noticed his eyes first


	3. Then They Collide

_THEN THEY COLLIDE_

 _Chapter 3_

Is it crazy to say that I just questioned my sexuality looking at him? His eyes were… _nice_. He was wearing a white flower crown and a pink sweater. He was… staring right back at me. I quickly looked away. Did I… have a crush on a boy? But I like girls, too, right? Yeah. Angel Green was _fiiiiiine_. She had warm brown eyes and curly brown hair and- crap. She looked very much like Dan. I guess I have a type. But anyways, what does that make me? Broken?

But, how can I be broken if I know for certain that I like both of these people? No, I won't put that much thought into it. I like boys and girls. Hands down, no question.

He whispered something to the teacher, then had such a look on his face. He looked terrified. He slowly walked to the front of the class and announced in a shaky voice, "My n-name i-is Dan H-H-Howell. I j-just moved here from W-Wokingham." He looked back at the teacher, who motioned to sit next to me. My heart raced. He was adorable. He was coming to sit next to me. _We were spending the next 35 minutes by ourselves in the back of the class._ God save me.

He found his seat next to me. I handed him some papers about algebra. I was about to introduce myself, but I was speechless. This boy was very pretty. I finally managed to say, "Hi! I'm Phil! Lester. Phil Lester. But you can call me Phil."

Crap. What was I _doing_? Was this boy so cute that I couldn't even say a proper sentence? "I talked to the teacher, and I'll be helping you catch up. Right now we're doing advanced algebra, but we did easier stuff before. Here's some worksheets we did before. They're easier. Try and do them, and ask me if you don't understand any of it, ok?"

While he was busy doing the paper, I took this as a chance to actually admire him up close. He had little freckles and light pink lips and rather curly brown hair. "Are you staring at me?" he said. Uh oh. If he caught me staring, what might he think of me? "Um, is that bad?" I managed. I was definitely blushing. "No, just don't do it in a creepy way, you know?" He looked at me with those eyes of his. I was _definitely_ blushing now. He looked at me, and I looked at him. Could it be that maybe, he was looking at me the way that I was looking at him? No. I shouldn't get my hopes up like that. He has to be straight. But, if I like boys, who knows, maybe he likes boys too?

Oh well. I'm not going to find out anytime soon. It was his first day here, too.

He seemed to be getting closer to me. The space between our faces got tinier and tinier until-

He collapsed in a fit of giggles. He was blushing. So much for a first impression. He went back to finishing up his page, and asked me a couple questions about the algebra. Suddenly the bell rung. Class was over. "Sorry we couldn't finish this. Maybe we could do some after school-tutoring at my place?"


	4. Stuttering And Staring

_STUTTERING AND STARING_

 _Chapter 4_

At least there was one good thing is this god-forsaken school. He had icy eyes and tattoos. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. "Excuse me Mr. Howell. Could you perhaps introduce yourself to the class?" Oh. I was never told there would be talking in this. I looked back at the boy, hoping maybe, just maybe, he could help me, but he couldn't. He was just observing me, then looked away quickly. I slowly walked up to the front of the classroom. "My n-name i-is Dan H-H-Howell. I j-just moved here from W-Wokingham." I managed. I looked back at the teacher, hoping that that was all that I had to say.

She nodded for me to go to the back of the room - _right next to the pretty boy._ I walked to a seat and observed him. He was even prettier up close.

He introduced himself after a couple of seconds. "Hi! I'm Phil! Lester. Phil Lester. But you can call me Phil." He must not get a lot of new students. Or was he just scared of me? I wasn't sure. He explained some more. "I talked to the teacher, and I'll be helping you catch up. Right now we're doing advanced algebra, but we did easier stuff before. Here's some worksheets we did before. They're easier. Try and do them, and ask me if you don't understand any of it, ok?"

I was halfway done with the first paper when I noticed something. The pretty boy- Phil - was staring at me. Me. Did I have something on my face?

"Are you staring at me?" I asked. Was he blushing? "Is that bad?" he asked. "No, just don't do it in a creepy way, you know?" I had just finished the first page out of 6 when the bell rang. I was just about to ask him a question. Phil asked me, "Sorry we couldn't finish this. Maybe we could do some after school-tutoring at my place?"


	5. Rooms And Rainstorms

_ROOMS AND RAINSTORMS_

 _Chapter 5_

I don't know where that came from. Was it my subconscious whispering to me about my virgin lips?

That doesn't seem like something I'd say. It seems like with all the secret drinking and my ~romance~ that I'd have at least kissed one person.

Anyway, Dan was coming over. It was my last period and I couldn't wait until 3:15. It felt like forever. Unlike a lot of my classes, Dan wasn't in this one. I looked at the clock. My last period ended at 3:05. It was 2:45. I tried to pay attention, but my imagination got the best of me. I daydreamt. In my mind, Dan was in my room, talking. I looked at him, though the situation wasn't going anywhere. What if we went out for pizza? A movie? What if we stayed in all day in my room and-

"Mr. Lester, I asked you a question. What must I do to get you to answer?" the teacher asked me. Uh oh. I was daydreaming.

I looked like I was thinking. I rubbed my chin and had a thoughtful look on my face. I knew this teacher. He would repeat the question if you were "thinking hard", so he was going to repeat it.

Suddenly, the bell rang. 20 minutes passed? Oh well. I wasn't arguing. I would do anything to get out of this class and oh. Dan was coming with me to my house. To my room. To "study". Oh my.

 _I wonder if he'll like my room_ I thought. Did I make my bed? Did I put away my clothes? Why was I so desperate for his approval?

And suddenly I was walking down the hall with Dan Howell. He was wearing his flower crown and his pink sweater. I was in my Panic! At The Disco shirt and skinny black jeans, plus my black converses.

It was raining outside. Neither of us had brought an umbrella, so we had to have my brother Martyn drive us. He was a senior, he could drive, and he had a car. So we went to my house, with Dan, with Martyn as an escort.

We finally arrived at the house as thunder shook the ground. Thunderstorms were so hardcore. Dan, however, thought otherwise. On the way here, he cowered up next to me a total of 4 times when lighting struck. It must not have rained a lot where he lived previously. He was _shaking_ because he was so scared. It's like he was cold, but he had on his sweater.

We arrived at the house and walked inside.

"Mummmmmm. I have a new friend named Dan. We'll be upstairs hanging out and stuff" I yelled. I ran up the stairs quickly as not to give my mum enough time to think about it."Ok Phil. Have fun. I want to meet Dan before he goes."

We arrived in my room. As it turns out, I hadn't made my bed. I also forgot to put my clothes in the hamper. Which also means that I had my dirty underwear in front of Dan Howell.

I scrambled to put them away as I threw my backpack on the ground. Dan threw his aside as well. He sat on my unmade bed, a tad out of place. He was like a rainbow in a storm. Which was likely going to happen outside very quickly.

I quickly made my bed, and sat down next to Dan.

Things got awkward really quickly.

"So…" I said

"So…" Dan said in reply.

"This is my room. Do you like it? Does it represent me?"

"It certainly does." Dan said. He couldn't have been lying. I had black walls that were covered with posters. Some parts of the wall were coming off from the wrong tape (whoops). Little animal plushies scattered here and there. A corner filled with sheet music and my guitar. My desk was neatly put away with a cup filled with colorful pens and a laptop. And did I mention a closet and dresser filled with black clothes?"Thank you! I worked really hard to put this together last year. I just got it last year, you know. Is it obvious that I like the color black?"

Dan laughed.

And in that moment, everything was perfect. Daniel James Howell was laughing with a twinkle in his eyes. I had no schoolwork to make up. My family was all together downstairs being happy. I was happy. And _Daniel James Howell was laughing._

I loved his laugh so much. It was like hearing birds tweeting on a spring day. It was like flowers blossoming in the sun. It was like realizing that tomorrow would be better. It was like a rainbow in a storm.

It must have been obvious that I loved him, because after he laughed, he looked at me and said, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Unlike what most people call tough, I am not good at concealing emotions.

I don't know what came over me. I was sitting next to him. I jumped at him and hugged him. We fell onto the floor laughing. _Daniel James Howell was laughing._ And I was hugging him like I would never let go.


	6. Cuteness And Cruelness

_CUTENESS AND CRUELNESS_

 _Chapter 6_

I was going to Phil's house.

I was going to Phil's _house._

 _I was going to Phil's house._

The world was playing a cruel joke on me. It was my first day at a school. I had a best friend and someone to help me catch up. They were cute. I was going to their house after school.

It seems like it's good, but it's not. See, when something good happens, something bad always happens as well.

Maybe it's karma. Maybe the universe hates me. I don't know what it is.

But something good was happening and nothing bad was happening in return.

So I had low expectations.

Of course. It had to rain. The day I dressed up. But hey, Phil's brother can drive.

And it was a thunderstorm. I hope I didn't seem to scared to Phil. I tried my best not to actually cower up to him like I used to do with my dad.

I went up to Phil's room, as I felt pretty odd (cheeky wink).

It was the opposite of my room.

My room had white walls, and had lace curtains and fairy lights.

God he was so cute. He had little freckles and bracelets. He wrote songs and had little stuffed animals. He was adorable.

"This is my room. Do you like it? Does it represent me?"

"It certainly does."

"Thank you! I worked really hard to put this together last year. I just got it last year, you know. Is it obvious that I like the color black?"

I laughed. God I loved this boy.

And suddenly we were laying on the floor laughing because Phil tackled me.

No, hugging me.

And I was hugging him like I would never let go.


	7. It Happens

_IT HAPPENS_

 _Chapter 7_

We were still in my room on the floor.

I looked into his eyes, and he looked into mine.

He was so beautiful it was painful.

He had his curly brown hair on the ground sprawled out. He had speckles of other browns his already brown eyes. He had his mouth in a large grin. He was so happy and so genuine that I couldn't help myself.

I kissed him.


	8. It Happens Again

_IT HAPPENS AGAIN_

 _Chapter 8_

I looked at him, and he was a dream. He was truly amazing.

His hair was flat on one side because we were on the ground. His eyes were blue, green, and yellow. He had a smile that could grow flowers.

I know that this was so good, that I had to be punished soon.

But sometimes, it's worth it.

There were already inches between our faces. So I took the chance.

I kissed him.


	9. Attraction and Acceptance

_ATTRACTION AND ACCEPTANCE_

 _Chapter 9_

Oh my goodness. I kissed Dan. I kissed Dan.

I pulled away from him, and he had such a look on his face.

He looked surprised. His eyes looked hungry. He leaned and kissed me back. So many thoughts were swarming in my head.

Was he gay?

Would we get caught?

Did he like me back?

But I focused on the now. Dan Howell was kissing me, and I was enjoying it. I caressed the side of his face with my hand, and used the other hand to support us, because we were still on the floor. Somehow, he had found his hands into my hair.

And we kissed until we couldn't anymore.

Dan pulled back and looked at me. I recognized that look in his eyes. I had it in me before - love. "Wow." he said.

We both blushed, and started to giggle. I pressed my forehead against his, which made him giggle even more.

Dan pulled away and leaned on my bed. "So, because you must know, I'm gay."

"I could have guessed." I retorted. We laughed. _Daniel James Howell was laughing._

"I don't really know what I am. All I know is that if you're hot, I wanna bang you." I explained some more.

"That's called being pansexual. It's the sexual attraction to all genders." he informed me.

"Really? I didn't know there was a name for it. I hope you don't mind, I don't really like labels." I just like to think that I like people, you know?

"That's ok. I don't think of you in any different way." he said.

An awkward silence.

"Do you want to go out with me?" I asked. I didn't know where that came from. I had never had a boyfriend before. Hopefully my parents were ok with it. Hopefully.

Dan blushed. He must have not have had a lot of boyfriends either. "Sure." he said. And just like that, I had a boyfriend, I had my first kiss, and _Daniel James Howell was laughing._


	10. Kisses And Kindness

_KISSES AND KINDNESS_

 _Chapter 10_

This boy will be the death of me. His lips were soft, and his hands were warm. They were on my face. I found my hands into his soft hair, and my lips on his. I hadn't had a kiss with a boy yet, so this was a first. I was going to probably have something awful happen to me because of my good fortune. We were going to suffer, but we would suffer together.

I loved this boy.

We kissed like hungry animals.

We giggled and kissed and blushed and kissed and loved.

I told Phil that I was gay, and he was ok with it. He had a better reaction than my mom.

Phil liked hot people and didn't like labels, so there's that.

We were both ok with it. I guess that his parents didn't know, so there's that.

Most likely they wouldn't be accepting. That would be the appropriate punishment for loving a boy.

There had to be a punishment of some sort. I can't just have a good thing without a bad thing happening. I had a boyfriend, I had cute outfits, and I had an actual friend. The worst was yet to come.


	11. The Worst Is Yet To Come

_THE WORST IS YET TO COME_

 _Chapter 11_

We were happy. Phil's family was accepting. My family, except for my dad, was ok with my boyfriend. We went to the movies, we got each other cute gifts, we went stargazing. We just wanted to show each other how much we liked the other.

But of course, Dan was correct. Happiness can't exist without sadness. So, the worst was yet to come. And baby there sure was a storm coming.


	12. He Blossoms

_HE BLOSSOMS_

 _Chapter 12_

Dating Phil made me realize something. But it didn't come along right away. It was the trips to a field of wildflowers, because Phil liked to feel free. It was stargazing later that night and looking up to see the never-ending space. It was camping around a campfire and feeling the warmth next to me, next to Phil. It was being happy and free with no consequences.

I could be who I was inside like I was outside. I finally liked the things that made me happy without being afraid to lose them. He made me realize that I can be happy. To forget the bad things and remember the good things. To love without limits.

And with that,

I blossomed.


	13. He Breaks

_HE BREAKS_

 _Chapter 13_

Dating Dan made me realize something. And I had known it in my heart for a long time. It was him crying when he messed up because _god he couldn't even make a bowl of cereal without messing up._ It was him loving my room because it was black and dark, "like his soul" he joked, but I wasn't laughing. It was him always wearing long sweaters because he didn't feel safe without it. It was being scared to love because he was afraid of losing me.

I felt like it was finally devouring me. I was constantly afraid. I was sad without realizing it. I was like I was on the outside, inside. I was scared.

And with that,

I broke


	14. Pink And Punishment

_PINK AND PUNISHMENT_

 _Chapter 14_

God I loved this boy. The more we hung out together, the more protective he became of me. The more willing he would be to pay for dates and get me cute things. Like he was doing anything he could to please and keep me. We were happy.

"Phil, do you wanna have a date at my house?" I asked him one day after class.

"Sure Dan. I've never been to your house." he said. He seemed eager. I actually remembered to clean my room today. I did a lot of things that we forgot to do at Phil's house. I brought an umbrella, too. It was raining as well, so the umbrella was handy.

After our last class, we met outside in the rain. I was holding up the umbrella when he ran from the school to me. He said, "Hi Dan!" and smiled the smile that could grow flowers. We walked together silently in the rain. It wasn't thunderstorming, which helped me not make a fool of myself in front of Phil.

We arrived at my house. Luckily my dad wouldn't be home for a long time. Who knows what he would do if he knew that Phil was here. I ran up to my room as quietly as I could, followed by Phil. As soon as we got in my room, I locked the door.

"Wow." Phil said. "It's so _you_."

I guess I knew what he meant. I had white lace curtains and an open window. I had a plain white blanket on my bed with green leaves on it. My bed frame was metal with fairy lights on the headboard. My room had flowers and little scraps of paper everywhere. I had a bulletin board covered in pictures of my friends above my white desk. My walls were a light pink. I set my book bag on my leather desk chair. Phil threw his on the floor under the chair on the carpet. I flopped down on my bed with a _poof_ and the blanket lifted into the air. Phil crashed down next to me. We giggled and sat there for a while, enjoying our company.

"Phil, I got you something." I said. I had been looking forward for this for a long time. I went to my closet and pulled out a large, long box. It was gift-wrapped in black wrapping paper and a white bow on top. His eyes lit up and he smiled. He immediately started tearing at it. He opened up the box, and it was a beautiful black acoustic guitar with little white stars on it. The pick was a pink heart. He looked at me and said, "I love it." He put it down and kissed me right on my bed. God I love this boy. I put down my arm, and he fell on top of me on my bed. I put my arms around him and kissed him some more. My flower crown was on the floor next to his guitar.

We kissed and we snuggled and we loved each other. Then my doorknob jiggled. "Dan! Unlock this door right now! There's no use hiding anything from me." It was my dad. Oh god. My dad. And I had Phil's arm around me.

I said, "Just a minute Dad. I'm changing my clothes."

I handed Phil his backpack and motioned for Phil to get under my bed. He could fit, surprisingly. I put his guitar back in the closet.

I quickly scanned my room to make sure there was no sign of Phil, and opened up the door. My dad was a tall person. He had messy black hair from working all day. He pushed me out of the way. He ran all thorughout my room to make sure I wasn't kiding anything. He looked at me and said, "I will find out whatever it is you're hiding boy. If it's a girlfriend, then I'm mad. If it's a boyfriend, then you aren't any son of me. You'll see what's coming."

He turned around and left my room.

I quickly shut the door.

"You can come out Phil." I said. Phil peeked out from under the bed. "Ok Dan. I'm pansexual."

I laughed so hard, I fell onto the bed. Phil layed down next to me. We were so happy.

Then my dad came in.


	15. Witnesses And Wildness

_WITNESSES AND WILDNESS_

 _Chapter 15_

I was at Dan's house. I was making out with him. I saw Dan's dad hit him.

Ok, let me backtrack. We were in Dan's room and stuff, and I saw his dad. He was a bit scary. Well, not a bit. A lot.

We were cuddling on Dan's bed. We were laying down next to each other for so long, that we almost fell asleep.

I was half asleep, when his dad came in. He was red in the face, and stopped in his tracks when he walked in. He stood there staring with his mouth open and his eyes staring. Dan and I were doing the same. His dad shut his mouth and had a sudden look of anger on his face. He ran over to Dan and picked him up by his collar. He threw him onto the ground, but Dan quickly stood back up. Dan's dad pushed him all while yelling, " _Are you a fag? You aren't a fag! You are my son! You are a despicable abomination under God! You are all that's wrong with the world!"_ He started punching him. Not in the face, but his chest and arms. All I could do was stand there and watch.

Or not.

I ran up to him and socked him in the jaw. I could start to see a bruise starting to form after he backed away and looked him the mirror to see if it was ok. It wasn't.

He looked at me and started yelling things at me. " _Are you that fag's boyfriend? Are you a prostitute he hired because he's gay? Are you a faggot like my son?"_

But I didn't believe a word he said. I ran up to Dan to see if he was ok. His dad was continuing to yell at me. I whispered in Dan's ear, "Run."

We grabbed our backpacks. Dan's dad continued yelling at us.

We ran and ran through the rain. Though there was water everywhere, I could still see Dan crying. We ran and our backpack's slammed against our backs. We finally arrived at my house, and we ran up to my mom. I took Dan's backpack and mine and put them on a chair in the dining room. I motioned for my mom to wait. I got Dan and blanket and put him next to the fire. I sat on a chair and let him be. He was shaking and sobbing. I explained everything to my mom. Including me hitting him. She didn't say anything, she just got up out of her chair and hugged Dan. After that, she went to the phone. I did what my mother did, and hugged him. Martyn did too. We all cared about Dan.

Them my mother walked in. "I just called you mum Dan." We all slowly looked at my mother. Dan was still shaking. "She said you can stay here at our house as long as you want, and you can head back to your house when you feel safe enough." We all sighed.

In the minutes after that, I was rubbing Dan's back. Martyn was laying on the ground. My mum was reading in the chair next to me. And right now, Dan felt safe.


	16. I Was Safe

_I WAS SAFE_

I stayed at Phil's house for the next two weeks. I went over to see my mom and my brother when I felt safe enough. I eventually confronted my dad, and he had me move out. I lived with Phil, but bought my own stuff. Oh, and I got a job. Phil was happy with me and his family. I was happy with myself and Phil and my life. We were happy I was safe.


End file.
